Dear pdoc

Since yesterday I was so anxious about today. My heart beat couldn't calm down. I felt so anxious in the waiting room. I felt like I couldn't handle it. And then you came to get me. And you said hi and smiled. And most of the anxious feelings went away. I still felt nervous, but not as much as I was feeling since yesterday. Weird. I didn't expect that. I wanted to make more eye contact. I know last time I almost didn't look at you. Most of our appoinments I don't really look at you. So today I wanted to try it. And it wasn't as scary as I thought. It wasn't as hard as the other times. Maybe because I told you my feelings and you didn't reject me. And then today you acted normal at me. You were nice and didn't seem to find me weird. I thought you would find me disgusting for having feelings for you. But you were so nice. Maybe that's why I felt a little bit less anxious. I told you something that's so hard for me and you didn't reject me.

I feel like I'm like high or something. You made me feel so good. And you didn't even try. You're just you. So nice and kind. And I like your smile so much. I so wanted to hug you. You give me such a nice feeling.
But then I get sad, because I can't be with you. And our appoinments are so short, because you're only my psychiatrist. And now I have to wait 8 weeks to see you again.
I hope my body and my heart now know that there's nothing to be anxious about. So no fast heart beating the next time.