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Old Sep 01, 2015, 06:46 PM
I'm Worth It I'm Worth It is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by crosstobear View Post
How possible is it- as a male- to find a long-term, mutually supportive, happy and healthy and non-codependent/caretaker relationship while being diagnosed with a severe mental illness such as Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder, etc.?

I personally have Bipolar II Disorder, and I find that my paranoia/fear of disclosing creates this aura of tension and vigilance that sabotages my relationships. It often works out well in the beginning, but the fear of being "found out" and thrown away for being mentally ill takes over and makes me super guarded myself and very afraid of being abandoned so I become hyper vigilant, paranoid and jealous. There were times I disclosed and pretty much never heard from the person again or was given the whole "not ready for a relationship/getting over my ex/not you, it's me" schpiel.

Come to think of it, as a male you're physically stronger than a woman and society different expectations for you. It's conceivable that women see mentally ill men as not just poor dating options but dangerous choices. Being stabilized on medication and with therapy is fundamental, but the real
possibility of losing your **** one day due to medication tolerance or stress
overload is enough to make you a bad dating prospect. Not to mention, my
personal feeling is that I'd make a terrible, inconsistent father as a result of
my Bipolar Disorder and I'd pass on genes to children who didn't ask for it. It
seems easier for mentally ill women because there will always be a guy "man
enough" to take care of them, but there won't be a woman that'll do the same,
after all women have a biological purpose to protect and rear children, and a
husband is ideally not someone you'd have to protect or care for as you would
a child.

On a personal note, I've seen many couples where the man was mentally ill and they've broken apart due to the fact that dealing with chronic and severe mental illness is a drain on a partner and people deserve happiness and
fulfillment in relationships, not the burden of caring for someone who has a
condition that makes life hell.

If you read evolutionary psychology, it becomes super depressing after a while

Thoughts?
It is possible but only if both partners actively participate in counseling both as individuals and as a couple. The non-affected partner will need counseling to understand the illness and be given coping skilks to manage their own responses and the affects of the behaviors of their partner. It's not easy but it can get easier. You would need to find a woman who is very, strong, secure, independent and patient. All the best.
Hugs from:
SunshineWave