I'm not excusing the fact that your daughter has treated you badly in the past and has shown no respect for you, and this has caused the strength of your feelings against her. She is however only 19 yrs old. You are her mother. Perhaps her bad behaviour against you was to test you to see how much support you would give her? If she knows she is adopted, might it be that she was testing how strong your love for her was? And now... you say you "hate" her. I'm not judging that term, but I am suggesting that it might be affecting the behaviour between the two of you. Your daughter might have changed, however slightly, but your feelings towards her might be blocking your ability to notice that. Or she might, now she is pregnant, hope that things might be able to settle down a bit between the two of you, and maybe you're not able to accept that? Another thought I had is that she might sense/ know the antagonism you have towards her. This isn't likely to improve her behaviour towards you - it's more likely to push her towards her father, your husband. You said that your husband paid for her plane ticket and you didn't know about it because he didn't discuss it with you - perhaps he sees something in your daughter that you're currently unable to see? perhaps he didn't discuss his decision with you because he knew you would resist it and would always fight against her coming?

I'm not sure if this has been any help ...