Life is the "it". Same old everyday. Fighting to get what needs doing done, just having no desire to do things anymore. Knowing my son deserves a better life, if I had made better choices, hadn't been so down and depressed, he would be doing better in school. Maybe if I had been stronger, my ex wouldn't have become abusive, because I would have been lovable. He saw me as weak and pathetic, still does.

If I had tried harder. If my health was better. Maybe I should have taken better care of my physical body. Not sure that would have changed getting an autoimmune disease though.

If only I could wake up one day without the thought "I can't do this anymore". If I could have a restful sleep and feel like my brain has taken a break. Then I'd feel more like I could keep going. It would also be great to not be picked apart by my ex anymore.

Thanks Rohag, and everyone for listening and the hugs.



I need to stop whining and just do what I need to, and show my son that things will be okay, be strong for him.