My wife Charlotte is depressed. She's been living in this small town with me for a couple of years and she thinks no likes her.

She has no old friends that she can lean on, either.

She hates her job.

Her parents live 30 minutes away, but rarely call or visit to see us or their year-old granddaughter.

No matter what advice I try to give, she always turns it into the most negatiive, self-depricating angle, i.e., If she's saying someone doesn't like her, I remind her that maybe that person was having a bad day or that maybe 'that's just the way they are', and she'll say "why are you defending them?". She has a dizzying proficiency at this.

She says that even I, her husband, am not her friend because I cannot relate to her. And the truth is, I can't (at least in identifying with her depression). I've been blessed with many, many friends and a great family and many long, LONG standing friendships.

I'm also a very positive person, while she is extremely negative. When she says the glass is half-empty, I try to explain how it's half-full and she gets pissed because "I'm always rebutting her". In truth, I'm just explaining to her a different way of looking at things.

There are many, real reasons for her to be down. We have some serious financial problems due to some bad investment decisions I made before we met.

She had to take full time work at a bank to help out. She hates the job and the fact that it keeps her away from her daughter.

Our daughter is incredible, but because she was a 'surprise' 4 months into our dating, we haven't had much time to enjoy being together.

She says our daughter is the only thing keeping her going.

And last night, after going to a party (this usually triggers an 'episode', especially when drinking is involved) she made the comment that "nobody would notice if I dissappeared".

She says she has never been suicidal, and I believe her. But I know she is depressed. (She was actually diagnosed with bi-polar just before we met, but I think it's depression--the mood swings aren't dramatic or random).

Honestly, I don't think she needs medication. I think she just needs a friend to bleed her heart out to. Someone who'll help her to see the good in herself, instead of only the bad. Someone who'll show her she is worth being loved, not just by others, but by herself.

In other words, I don't think she hates herself because she's depressed. I think she's depressed because she hates herself.

And she hates herself because she places more importance on what she thinks others think of her, rather that what she thinks of herself. And she doesn't think much of herself, either.

She says she's tried 'so hard' to make friends here for the last two years, but no one reciprocates. The truth is, there are only two or three people here she has spent any one-on-one time with at all, and maybe only once or twice at that. Certainly not enough to build a real relationship.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I love her dearly and want to help her, but she doesn't want my help, just my pity.

Any advice/consolation would be great. Thank you.