Every day, all day I need to put on a face that isn't mine. Well, it is mine, but its the one everyone wants, or needs it to look like. Most of my day spent at work, not just doing my work to the best of my ability, no no, I can't let them see oh today I'm sad. Or no wait wow he's all wired up and in a good mood, or then there's the more typical anxious because I'm moody and I can't hide it completely. Or I put the mask down or drop it for a minute, somebody catches a glimpse of a person that seems to have issues. So I worry, screw up my work, then act paranoid I'm going to get fired. Then I come home, my kids still excited to see me, I don't want to bring them down. So regardless of depressive, manic, anxious or mediocre I shove it down, best I can. My wife probably see's more of what's behind the mask, but oddly doesn't get that I have a mask. In fact there's a mask for her too. I can't get too bipolar can I? No, no that would be irritating, frustrating and annoying. I just want to be me, and I can't, its why I'm so exhausted by earlier evening, I have to conform for the greater good apparently. Why can't it stop or at least if I could hit pause on everything around me and give myself a f***ing break I think its deserved. Screw you bipolar I hate you and I hate these masks, cloaks smoke and mirrors, go to hell.

bipolar rapid cycling - lamitcal 300mg
panic attacks - clonazepam 4mg
depression/generalized anxiety - lexapro 10mg
add - adderall 55mg

i'm the logic to the screw up to the broken one who fixed it