I think it's just as hard for women. I'm fairly new to the dating scene after many years and am having a difficult time as well. The last 2 bfs that I have dated seriously, since I broke-up with my fiancé (I was with him for 7 yrs), couldn't handle my "impulsive" nature and "brilliant energy" (actually quoted). Everything started out well, until things eventually got serious and I started to relax. The more I let down my guard, (after sharing my dx with them.), the more I stopped being on my "best behavior"- maybe I did this to test them.. Who knows?
I generally feel that I lack some essential "mother/wife" gene, since my ADHD tends to tap into my "male" energy. I feel that I also lack the soothing and nurturing nature that so many men seek from their female counterparts. It would drive my past bfs crazy, when I would tap into my "anxious energy" (another quote from a former bf.). Knowing that they felt this way would frustrate me, since I can't "just relax". The high energy that initially drew them to me, warded them off in the end. Unfortunately, there is not too much that I can do about it, except practicing more mindfulness and maintaining awareness of my actions. This is basically just who I am. I've tried to overcompensate for my deficiencies in the past, but it would just come across as completely inauthentic. I just hated the fact that my behavior comes across as thoughtless at times (I also lack the ability to naturally anticipate one's needs)..
I' especially feel that men my age (around 40) are seeking women who are more together and emotionally grounded. It seems to me that women tend to be more open, in terms of being in a relationship with a partner who has a chronic illness (metal or physical). I hate to sound cliche, but women in general seem to have a larger emotional compactly for such things. Not to mention, there is a serous "crazy cat lady" stereotype associated with older women, who suffer from any sort of emotional issue. Ugh!
Regardless of gender, I think that it is important to take a look at the people we seek. Are they emotionally available? One also needs to take an honest look at them self. Am I emotionally available? Am I taking care of myself and focusing on my needs?
Unfortunately, I've come to realize that it would take someone very special to put up with me. Lol! Someone who is willing to take the time to fall in love with me, and who is also willing to work with me. A rare find indeed! Anyway, I just realized that I wrote way more than I intended to...

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