Hey, thanks you guys. I feel stupid about what I wrote yesterday. There is nothing I hate more than when I sound whiny and needy. I hate saying or doing anything that makes me sound like a little baby! The part of me that showed up yesterday is NOT the real me. It's not the me that I am 90% of the time.

I don't know if I am more afraid of her or angered at her. I just know that I do fine until she shows up. Then I fall apart and my life goes down the tubes! I change from a calm, analytical, in control adult into a pitiful, frightened, desperate person who feels like a child who is in danger and needs protection, etc.

Then later, it is all gone. I feel different. Calm now. Not in pain, and not missing my t. In fact, I feel that I could wait even longer now to see her, if need be. She is due back tomorrow, and I have sent an email letting her know that if she needs more time to recuperate before having my session, it is totally OK with me. It really is! I feel OK now. I really do. But I also know that yesterday, I sent a text telling her how difficult and painful it had been for me to wait so long. I know it will sound inconsistent. It makes me wonder how I could feel so different from one day to the next.

I read back over what I wrote yesterday, I KNOW I wrote it. and I KNOW that I felt it. But looking back, it just does not SEEM like me. It's hard to believe it was me, or that I actually felt that desperate and afraid. And it's just. . .I don't know. . .weird.