Little background on me first:

49yo male
married 23yrs to the same beautiful woman, currently separated, BUT working on it
25yr military vet (so, I'm SURE the deployments didn't help my situation)
just found out that I'm probably NPD with sociopathic tendencies (I have not been diagnosed yet, but I'm also not stupid)
also clinically depressed (now on meds) <-- yeah me (NOTE sarcasm)

My wife found out last year when our marriage counselor told her and gave her some books to read, but told her not to tell me. And to this day our marriage counselor still has said nothing to me. @sshat. My wife decided to tell me when she asked for a separation and thought that I should get help.

So, after seeking help and talking to a therapist it was determined, by both of us, that I was indeed NPD and clinically depressed. She may or may not be the "right" therapist for me, but only time will tell.

I have begun the journey (research) into what NPD really is and eff me if it's not ALL depressing, "leave them", "no hope", "give up", "walk away".... *****. AND it all seems to be from the "victims" side.

Oh, and Underground is my new idol. LOL Seriously though the fact that you have been married for 20yrs and self aware for the past few years AND are still together gives me hope. I also understand it's probably a daily struggle but what worth it isn't?

What I need or would like is some input from the NPD who are self aware AND wanting to work on themselves and for lack of a better word "fix" themselves. I know there really is no true "fix", but whatever.

Also, any books that will help ME the NPD, NOT the "victims" side. I found a book list about NPD, but it it based more on the "victim"s side.

ps. I put victim in quotes because are we not also victims? however probably defined differently (since there is no hope for us)