Hi Nadia,
Thank you for sharing. Respectfully, I do not think you want to be beautiful. I think you want to be happy. Then you think that only beautiful people are happy and loved but your first goal is to be happy. To me that is totally understandable. We all want to be happy and loved. I am not sure that your equation beauty=happiness is true. But, regardless you have the right to explore your own means to be happy and you have the right to give plastic surgery a try. In between, perhaps you can explore other paths to happiness in addition to look for surgery in order to start feeling better, you deserve it