Crosstobear, first may I tell you that my heart goes out to you. this anxiety that you carry is indeed a heavy cross to bear.
It is my opinion that we should all be absolutely and completely honest with anyone that we see as a potential life partner. If they can't handle the truth, then they do not deserve your love. While you may have Bipolar, BPD, Schizophrenia or any other Mental Illness, you still have a heart, capable of love and compassion. You are still capable of being a wonderful partner and companion. And if the person rejects you because of ANY diagnosis, then they themselves do not deserve you. Male or Female. This may make love harder to find, but when you do, you will know that it is stronger and truer (is that a real word) and that is is worth fighting for.
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Originally Posted by crosstobear
How possible is it- as a male- to find a long-term, mutually supportive, happy and healthy and non-codependent/caretaker relationship while being diagnosed with a severe mental illness such as Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder, etc.?
I personally have Bipolar II Disorder, and I find that my paranoia/fear of disclosing creates this aura of tension and vigilance that sabotages my relationships. It often works out well in the beginning, but the fear of being "found out" and thrown away for being mentally ill takes over and makes me super guarded myself and very afraid of being abandoned so I become hyper vigilant, paranoid and jealous. There were times I disclosed and pretty much never heard from the person again or was given the whole "not ready for a relationship/getting over my ex/not you, it's me" schpiel.
Come to think of it, as a male you're physically stronger than a woman and society different expectations for you. It's conceivable that women see mentally ill men as not just poor dating options but dangerous choices. Being stabilized on medication and with therapy is fundamental, but the real possibility of losing your **** one day due to medication tolerance or stress overload is enough to make you a bad dating prospect. Not to mention, my personal feeling is that I'd make a terrible, inconsistent father as a result of my Bipolar Disorder and I'd pass on genes to children who didn't ask for it. It seems easier for mentally ill women because there will always be a guy "man enough" to take care of them, but there won't be a woman that'll do the same, after all women have a biological purpose to protect and rear children, and a husband is ideally not someone you'd have to protect or care for as you would a child.
On a personal note, I've seen many couples where the man was mentally ill and they've broken apart due to the fact that dealing with chronic and severe mental illness is a drain on a partner and people deserve happiness and fulfillment in relationships, not the burden of caring for someone who has a condition that makes life hell.
If you read evolutionary psychology, it becomes super depressing after a while.
Thoughts?
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