Hi all.
Made it back after a week of riding.....my butts still in one piece(well two actually lol)and we only hit rain for two hrs of entire week.I sunburnt pretty bad, twice......great tan now,although I do resemble a fudgicle

Well enough with the banter,got a question for all my bp friends.

I dont want to upset or disturb anyone so I apologise if I do.

Ive really come to realize that when Im possibly "hypomanic" I congure up a plans to "take off "and spend a night or two of binge drinking and other self harm.
These are persistant and recurrent mental snapshots of the event.
Throughout the last couple years my thoughts have been directed at self destruction.Put myself in dangerous positions....not an outright plan but 3 months ago ,durring a deep depression, I spent quite a bit of time focusing on how I would commit suicide If I didnt get better.I still have the stockpile of pills I had saved and hidden.
Things are much better since that time....much more stable but this past mental picture has gone from suicide to self harm and it has gotten very detailed and I sometimes have the feelings that I would like to follow through on those plans.
Im a little worried about it.

I seen my T yesterday but didnt bring it up.When ever the subject of self harm comes up I choke.

Should I be worried?
Has anyone else had these experiences?