Hey T, know what's really triggering? Nighttime. Coming home. To nothing. Thinking. Breathing. Listening to well-meaning suggested courses of action that I know are laughably inadequate for the worthless mistake that I am.

Knowing deep down that nothing you or anyone else says matters and that I HAVE NO CHOICE but to be destroyed and I'm just kidding myself about everything.

**** it. **** all of it.