Hi Ciderguy,

No need to apologize or feel self-conscious about the hypergraphia. You write very beautifully and lucidly. And what you've shared has touched and moved me greatly, so please don't think that you don't make a difference. I'm just a stranger on the Internet, and you've made a difference in my life tonight.

I'm Catholic too, so my thoughts on suicide are in alignment with the catechism, as you describe it: that suicide is a grave sin, but that the souls of suicides are entrusted to God's mercy. But at the times when I felt I did not have a future and wanted to take my own life, I didn't follow through with it because I did not feel prepared to presume upon, or demand, God's mercy. (I know we're not really supposed to have religious discussions, so I hope I won't get in trouble for writing that, but I felt like sharing it since it seemed germane to your overall question.)

Unfortunately I'm not wise or psychic enough to know the future, yours, mine or anyone else's, but I do believe in hope for us all. Groundless, irrational, sometimes seemingly impossible hope. And I hope that doesn't sound Pollyanna-ish, given the challenges and struggles you've described. Because sometimes that feeling of hope for me has been nothing more than, as Samuel Beckett wrote, "I can't go on. I'll go on."

Anyway, this is kind of rambling and not well thought out on my part. I just wanted to let you know I read what you wrote, more than anything else and say hello. You're always welcome to send me a pm with any thoughts or writings, hypergraphic or not--if you ever feel so inclined. I don't have any great insights, advice or answers to offer, just a pair of ears to listen with.