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angelicgoldfish05 · Sep 02, 2015, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sabrina

I have watched my mother nearly die a few times because of her addiction to alcohol. And that didn't stop me getting addicted myself. After about 15 years I decided it was my time and I gave up drinking a little more than a month ago. It has been the best thing I have ever done with my life.

That false sense of security that being drunk gives you.......... it's false.

I wish you strength. Half a bottle of vodka in one night is harsh. I know, I've done it too.

AA is most definitely not for me. I gave up on my own, without help, just the support of my husband and son (and you good folk here). But this is not as easy for everyone. Please seek help, it doesn't have to be AA.

Oh, and just an afterthought, the term "alkie" is horrible! Don't call yourself that.

Sabrina, that is awesome you have given it up and are on the sober mend!! I have been there. I have tried it. Every thing was going well the first time around (1 1/2 years sober) until I lost my job and then my ex-t... I could not take it anymore. And then I got sober again.. Lasted oh, 3 1/2 months maybe, then my ex-t's supervisor tells me about this cease and desist **** with not ever having contact again with him (ex-t) and I lost this wonderful relationship that meant so much to me... Then on top of that, my human bio teacher talked about everytime in class how one a drink a night is actually good for you... So I thought, hey, I could do that! And then it was school break and I went on a TOTAL binge! Then I told myself I would absolutely stop when school started. Well. School started monday and I missed 2 of my classes tuesday due to my drinking a half bottle of vodka the night prior... I have those same 2 classes tomorrow, and I HAVE TO make it there. Even though I am quickly working my way through that 2nd half of vodka. I don't know... Just feel so good. Not eating. Drinking. Everything seems within reach... Anything seems possible... Guess it is like I am flying in a way. Why would i ever want to give this up?
If I make it to classes tomorrow, I'm solid. I can keep this up. Be functional. Get through the pain of ex-t really, solidly rejecting me outright. Thing is, that's just the reaction I needed from him. Reject me. Do not want me. Kick me to the ****ing curb. I needed to push him till it got to that point. He reassured me that it would not get there. But it did. And he lied. And despite his 15 years+ experience with working with mental health patients and people etc, he could not enforce even the simplest of boundaries. And I almost lost my life, and now the whole relationship is screwed and I am beyond devastated but it is what I deserved, and deep down, what I truly wanted and needed cause I'm a ****ing masochist and need that ****ing pain and rejection. So thanks to ex-t... He gave me just the pain I ****ing needed!!!