So, without going into specifics, there's this famous guy I'm really infatuated with, and have been for a few years now. I go through phases of being obsessed with a male celebrity and thinking about them almost 24/7, ESPECIALLY when I wake up in the morning. It can get almost exhausting at times. This newest guy, in particular, is a musician who years ago wrote some really intensely emotional, heartbreaking songs about a divorce he went through, and even though he's married now and he seems to be extremely happy and successful, I can't help but fantasize about the old drama, making up stories about fights/arguments/crying/stuff like that. All the time. It's almost like an emotional outlet for my own angst and feelings of loneliness, even though I've never been in a relationship. I was crying about it today.

I know it's absolutely insane, his personal life is absolutely none of my business, especially something so far in the past and over now, but the music is so painfully real in expressing that emotion that it's almost toxic to me, so now I'm avoiding the music, but the obsessive drama fantasies/thoughts don't go away. I try thinking about other things, positive thoughts, get other songs stuck in my head, or at least happier thoughts about his current life if I can't stop thinking about him in general, but it's difficult to stop the train.

It's gotten worse recently, especially since I decided that immersing myself in the music and reading the lyrics would help me "confront" it and then forget about it. Big mistake. It ended up making me feel suicidal. So now I'm crawling back out of the dark hole and trying to move on and think about other things.

Thoughts?