Dear T

I'm not alright. I don't know what to do. I feel so tired. And so depressed. Sad. Everything is hopeless. I don't think I have a future. No, I know I don't have a future. I will never be ok. How can I go back to school or have a job when I can barely get out of bed. I'm now sitting here. I should do something. Do some cleaning. But I don't have the energy to move.
And it's not that I have so many bad thoughts. I can't even really think. I'm so slow. It's a feeling, mostly. I feel bad. I didn't start thinking about something that made me cry. No, I felt tired and sad and such. And I had to cry and that when I start thinking, it's all hopeless.

Not sure if I will tell you this. I feel like that you think I'm doing a little better. Maybe I did, just a little bit. But now, these last few days or weeks...it's getting bad again. I think. I'm not sure about anything. I don't know anything.

You have been away for 2 weeks now. The longest I've been without you. And I don't see you for another two weeks. You'll be back next week, but you didn't had a spot. I don't know If I even want to go back. I feel it's useless. I feel like it won't help. It's just pretending that I can change, that it can get better. But it's just buying some extra time.