Okay, so now that my son has started kindergarten we play on the playground everyday after school. Apart from the usual kid to kid problems that exist things have mostly gone well. The hiccup comes with me. The other moms and one in particular have been really friendly and welcoming to me and for the most part I've reciprocated.

Now that the seasons are changing, though, I'm feeling really panicky. I do have social phobia/anxiety along with the bp but I've been doing better. All the recent social interactions have left me drained and I just need a day off. My two choices are to tell my kids that we will not play today or try to tell the other parents that I'm having a bad day without fully panicking and breaking down.

This is the same pattern as last year, when my son was pre-k at the same school, when I started feeling badly and we couldn't play on the playground. I ended up spending all fall in a manic episode centered around exercise and fitness then the winter I was mixed until I finally managed to get in with a doctor. Really, I would rather die than go through that again, so I need to get a handle on this right away.

Sorry for the text wall, I really didn't start out to type this much, it just comes out when I get started.