Ciderguy, aside from the caretaker coming 3 days a week do you have any way to get out and do stuff? Where I live there is transportation for handicapped people, it is not the best and sometimes the wait time is too long, but people do have a way to travel. From what you write I can see that you also have physical disabilities with the depression. So I know going out places is not that easy, but would maybe be helpful?
You are a good writer, and a very thoughtful person.
Some of us here have thought of suicide. When I start thinking in that direction I start to think off all the reasons to stay here and who would be hurt if I left. You would probably be surprised whose lives you have touched in a positive way. Even and especially your caretaker. I used to work in the nursing field and there are wonderful patients I can remember who were a gift to care for. Some of them also suffered depression as well as physical ailments.
Religious beliefs have also stopped me from suicide. I don't know for sure if it would send me to hell but I don't want to find out.
But I know there has to be a way not to suffer all the mental torment.
Anyway, I don't have any great answers, I wish I did. But I am still very glad to talk to you.

