Hello Ciderguy
Like the other posters, your words and this thread have touched me. I enjoy reading what you write, however difficult the content. My life is more fortunate than yours, but I have felt and thought the same. I am also a Catholic. I too have no family, other than my elderly mother, who I am sole carer for. I cannot cope with the grief of her death when that time comes and I do trust in God's mercy. You are doing a lot of thinking and praying, and I hope that you read this, and feel our love and concern for you. PM me if you like. It is a pleasure reading your posts. God watch over you.