Quote:
Originally Posted by cashart10
I am frustrated with my husband. I love him so much and we have always had a good relationship but lately he has critisized me for so many things. I really thought that once I was able to care for the house again that we would go back to a mutually respectful relationship but that doesn't seem to be the case. The other day for instance, I asked him to buy me regular creamer because the sugar free, fat free kind just isn't very good. His response was, well, if you'd take care of yourself I wouldn't buy that stuff. I got upset with him and his response was he was just joking. Well, it wasn't very funny. I know I am not the size I used to be. I know I need to lose weight, but I am not fat, at least I don't think so. And, even if I am, those comments do nothing but make me feel badly about myself. Well, yesterday I told my mom "I think [hubby] is turning into his dad (who is truly a jerk)" she asked why and I told her some of the things he's been saying she told me to walk out of the room when he says things like that and ignore him. She said acknowledging him encourages him. But, she went on to agree with him. "You do have to understand how he feels," she said. "You have been eating so much sugar, you are going to get diabetes and you haven't been exercisizing. You need to start caring for yourself again." Well, first of all that does not give my husband the right to be a jack *** to me and second of all, while I understand what they are saying, I have only been feeling better for a few weeks. Can I have at least a little time to recover before attacking another MAJOR concern in my life? Will things ever be good enough? I feel stressed about this and I feel afraid to eat anything unhealthy because someone will be standing over my shoulder criticizing or at least judging me. It also makes me feel VERY insecure. I have gained weight over the last few years but I was healthy to start with. I'm not all that heavy (at least I didn't think so). Am I looking at this the wrong way?
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I actually think you are looking at it correctly. I also think your husband threw in the joking part, because it shifts the blame and responsibility of him disrespecting you to you. See now you are at fault, because you misunderstood or can't take a joke. Your gut is telling you that something wasn't right, honor your gut. Almost always, it is correct. If this happens a lot I would also do some research on manipulators and how they work. He should just man up and apologize for hurting your feelings. Whether it is true or not, the fact that he hurt your feelings should matter. If he doesn't and this happens repeatedly, it will get worse especially if you don't challenge it. If you take it, because you are a laid back person they will disrespect you more. I don't agree with your mom excuses him because you have put on a few pounds. I have learned from experience. I am really laid back and there isn't a lot of things that get to me, but over time you see where people take advantage of that. That is not ok. So what if you did gain a couple pounds, it doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be treated right especially by your husband. We all make mistakes, but if the mistakes are frequent, you probably should really evaluate the situation. Also, ask yourself, would you make that comment to him and MEAN IT LIKE HE DID?