Well, as an update, it's all actually gotten worse. I feel anxious with him even touching me and I can't relax. I mean, he could begin oral and it feels good but I feel like I'm heading for a panic attack or something. It's hard to explain.

I don't think it's about him doing it wrong and besides, I've shown him several times because I always end up masturbating in front of him. I've tried to show him how I touch myself and have directed his hand, but it just doesn't feel right.

And since he has cerebral palsy, him learning to do something that requires a unique motor skill is difficult for him. It's not a show him once and he gets it sort of thing. So it's more of him experimenting until maybe it eventually works sort of thing.

The only way I feel comfortable getting off is not comfortable for two people unfortunately so I'll have to retrain my body to be comfortable in another position I guess. I just feel really sexually incomplete since I'm not able to get an orgasm from him directly like everyone else with a decent sex life can. Or like everyone else he's ever slept with...