Dear T

**** you! You said I could be 4 weeks without you. You said that those 4 weeks will be over before I know it. You were so wrong! Ok, at our last session I wasn't feeling that bad. It was a little more manageable. But did you ever think that that could change? Because I'm feeling terrible. It really hurts and I almost can't handle it. Last night I've been crying until I finally fell asleep. This is how I felt before I took this medication. Maybe feeling worse again is a side effect from upping my dosage. I don't know. I didn't had it with other medications. I'll have to wait a week or 2 to see if this feeling stays. But how am I going to deal with this on my own?

How the **** do I deal with such strong thoughts? Do you even know? You've told me what numbers to call when I want to do it and you said I should continue therapy. But do you know how to deal with this? I know the places where you've worked and they don't deal with very heavy cases. You treat people with depression, but have you ever had another client with such strong thoughts?
That why I want to see pdoc. He has probably seen worse than me. And he asks about it, though he doesn't ask for details. Maybe because when he did asked, I didn't want to say anything.

But what should I do? I don't know it.