Dear Ex-T.

What are you trying to do to me. The two T's you referred me to are no good.

One is demeaning and puts down the little progress I made. She doesn't accept that I had a connection with you- I think she's jealous. She gets upset with me becuase I'm in a dark place with bad thoughts. I'm not trying to be difficult. She makes me feel bad. She has not experience in my areas that I need help in. When I need additional help she just sits there doesn't offer me any.

I thought the second one would be good until last night. She put me down and judged me (I can't say why here because it's religious) and I thought therapists weren't to judge you. She too much of a zealot. She refused to let me leave until I agreed with what she was saying. I don't want to go back to her. She called me evil. I know that I am pure evil but for someone to actually confirm it left me disheartened. The session left me traumatized.

I wish you were coming back soon. I want to email you and ask you why you sent me to these two therapist, what was your reasoning behind that and when are you coming back. I'm afraid to say any of this in my weekly checkins to you. I'm trying to be good in them and just say bare minimum. I don't want to over-step a boundary. But I'm scared.

I don't know what to do anymore. I need help. I need you. But I know you needed time and all the wishing in the world is not going to bring you back any faster. My fear is that you won't let me know when your back.