(((Gerber)))

It sounds like you didn't get the support you needed. I am sorry for the bind you're in. It hurts so much to go to therapy and really not know what to do. You are there, looking to your T for answers, and you leave feeling bereft. I know intellectually that the answer is within me and that only I can change things, but when I am in the midst of pain, that's a lot of blah, blah, blah. If I knew what to do, I would do it and I wouldn't need to go to therapy, now would I?!?

My T is not a strong, leader type. He pretty much follows my lead. I have had to "coach" him and tell him that when I am in a crisis or look at all lost, I need him to lead me, almost telling me step by step what to do until I can find my way again. It's like I'm in a dark swamp and he has the flashlight and has to say, "step to the left, watch out for this and that . . ." and I just follow the light until I can see for myself again. But some Ts are adamantly opposed to this. I know mine will never be comfortable with it. But depression is often apathy and confusion and frozeness and a few words of direction (I've even needed to be reminded to eat and take medicine) are very necessary to jump start our own resources.

I don't know if you can relate to my story -- my needs are often from depression that physically shuts me down, but I guess I was tapping into your feeling of needing therapy to "do" something for you. I so get that.

Take care.