I'm doing better, mainly because I'm finally on some meds that work (at least for the time being). I've been struggling lately though with feelings like I'm a monster caged by meds. I know that I'll probably need to be on meds the rest of my life and it's hard knowing that people around me don't understand, and that they don't understand the feeling of being two different people. I'm so different when off meds and I know I need them to function in society and reality, because my thoughts and desires and reality are so skewed when I'm off them. I don't want to be that person (or be hospitalized again) and I like who I am on meds, but sometimes I feel like it isn't really me. I feel like such a fake/fraud taking meds, but I'm a monster without them. I know it's an obvious choice as one leaves me locked up or possibly hurting people, but that doesn't make it easier, and I wish I had someone IRL who understood.