Hi Dreamrunner,
that's what's scarey about being hypomanic, which i am at times. it's easy to hide unhealthy behavior because we're not outside walking on a skyscraper (like Richard Gere did in "Mr.Jones.") I've relaspe with my drinking during hypomania, and had crazy thoughts of self destruction. I really believe that God took care of me when i could'nt. (I don't mean to get churchy) What helps me now is I just "observe" my crazy thoughts, and try not to see them as something that i just HAVE to do. Sorta telling myself that i could if i wanted to, but i choose not to. when i've had pills on hand, i ended up throwing them in the toilet. this friday will be the 14th year anniversary of my son's suicide. he had his mind made up when he did it. it's been rough, but sometimes i think that we either choose to do it or we choose not to. you know what i mean? i could have done it many times, but i keep making the choice to live. noone can make that choice for you. i stay alive for my grandson when i don't want to stay alive for myself. he said to me last week, when i assured him that i wouldn't do anything crazy, "grandma, if you did that too i couldn't go on, it'd be over for me.' he's 16, and the greatest kid you'd want to meet. whenever i'm with him, i'm glad that i keep choosing life. dream..find someone or something worth staying alive for when you don't want to do it for yourself.
love,
dorsey