I'm glad that you are starting to see a therapist next week. It sounds like you have lots of things to process from the past, and important decisions to make about the future.
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Originally Posted by Velut_aegri_somnia
My values and goals in life? I wish I could just find some peace, outside and inside myself. But mostly I believe the kind of peace I'm looking for is not attainable while living, because, as Emily Dickinson put it, "a Suspicion, like a Finger/ touches my Forehead now and then/ that I am looking oppositely/ For the site of the Kingdom of Heaven".
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I used to feel like that a lot. Sometimes I still do. I like this quote about happiness (though it can just as easily be about peace):
Quote:
"Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Nathaniel Hawthorne
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I used to chase after the butterfly; desperate to find relief from the pain of living, but then I learnt about mindfulness. There's lots of different ways to practise mindfulness. Personally I find the awareness of my body stuff, like focusing on my breathing, anxiety-provoking and it makes me feel worse, but focusing on what is going on around me has allowed me the opportunity to feel the butterfly rest on my shoulder, sometimes just for a moment, but those moments have given me the strength to survive until the next moment.
Some examples that work for me:
- stroking my dog when he's asleep - feeling his fur beneath my fingers, listening to his (sometimes loud) snores, feeling his chest rising and falling, feeling the warmth of his body on mine
- sitting in the garden in the sunshine - watching the bees among the flowers, listening to their gentle buzz, feeling the breeze on my skin, hearing the rustle of the leaves, smelling my mum's delicate roses, observing the changes in the garden since I was last there, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face
- colouring (there are some great adult colouring books available) - feeling the paper beneath my hand, hearing the coloured pencils rub the paper, seeing the colours appear on the page
There are many ways to be mindful, and some may work better for you than others. Initially it is hard to learn to quieten your mind and observe without judgement but, with practice, I found stillness in these exercises, and with that stillness, a gentle sort of contentment, which I drink in and replay over and over in my head when I'm struggling, and that gets me through to the next moment of peace.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Velut_aegri_somnia
Another advice I'd like to give, is: if he has any creative interests and passions, encourage them as much as you can. I stopped making art, playing the piano, writing, at a certain point, because my mother always interrupted and harrassed me. But they were the only things that were helping me at the time.
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Perhaps some peace could be found in taking up your creative pursuits again?
All the best
*Willow*