Really happy you shared all that you just did!! I don't know what will happen to you in your country, but, if you were in the US, you would probably be sent to a psych unit for evaluation and possibly in patient treatment. I hope you can tell someone all of this quickly, because it would be unfortunate for you to hurt yourself or someone else. You will get help, but I don't know what that will entail, exactly. But please, do get help. You deserve it.