My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T: I need to tell you something but I don't know how part XV

Achy Turtle Armor · Sep 04, 2015, 08:06 PM

What the **** is going on with me? I'm shaking so much I can hardly hold my phone much less type this out. I need to talk to you so badly. God! ****! What am I doing wrong? I'm crying hysterically. How is this not feeling it mother****er?! I feel the pain. If you tell me I am resisting I'm going to ****ing scream! I know that's what you'd say.

I am lonely. I feel left behind. I feel discarded. I feel unwanted.

Possible trigger:

I am so ****ing ready to slice myself open and let it all drain away. I'm not sure why I haven't yet. I think that you might just give up on me if I did. If I had some way to kill myself this very second I'd do it. I could just toss myself aside so no one else has to. I'll save you all the time. I'll just get rid of the **** up that drains everyone I am in contact with.

How... How can this be the same woman who sat in front of you laughing yesterday? The same woman that you said, "I don't think that I've ever seen this before. You look different." I think that I was in a state of ignorant bliss that the love I feel surely is reciprocated but it isn't. I'm not even a small thought in my "friends" mind.

Will I cut myself? I dunno. Will I kill myself? Not intentionally.

Will I hide and stay silent over the next 3 days hoping someone gives a **** and wonders if I am OK? Yeah. Will anyone care? No!