Hello all,

This is my first post here so bear with me if it gets a little long and doesn't flow well as my brain is not functioning properly at the moment. I am coming here because over the last 4-5 months I have been suffering from severe concentration, memory, and other related cognitive impairments.

First let me give you a little history. I am a 40 year old woman who was 1st diagnosed with anxiety and depression back in late 2011. When all of this began I was experiencing the normal symptoms of depression crying, insomnia, lack of pleasure, isolation, feeling like in a dream, and some minor concentration and memory problems. I was on and off medication for a few years, the longest being 4 months on zoloft which did help me return to a somewhat normal functioning. I stopped all meds in 2013 and attempted to handle my issues on my own. I was still having the concentration and memory issues, but I was able to function. I was doing ok until November 2014 when I had a major panic attack at work and it escalated from there to my now current condition:

I can not watch tv or a movie, read a book, or have an intelligent conversation because I am unable to follow the plot or subject. When people are talking sometimes it just sounds like they are speaking in a foreign language or something because I just can't grasp what it is they are talking about. I have to read and re-read things constantly because I look at the word and don't recognize it right away. Eventually the word does come to me and I know what it is. When having conversations it's like my mind get stuck and I can't express my thoughts verbally. I am always at a loss for words. This is very difficult for me as I am so used to being referred to as articulate and intelligent.

Confused and disorganized thinking. I feel very confused at times its like I can't get my thoughts in order to think out problems or make plans. I also get a general sense of confusion when doing normal everyday tasks such as washing dishes, putting on make-up, and how to prepare dinner.

My memory has failed me as well. I have a hard time recalling names, things I've done, places I've put things, conversations I've had, appointments, how to get to places I've been many times, routines on how to do simple everyday tasks etc. This makes daily life very difficult and makes me just want to shut down..

My spelling ability and handwriting have been affected as well. I used to be an excellent speller, and now I find myself struggling to spell basic words. My handwriting has gotten sloppy and it feels like when I write I have a hard time remembering letter formation in cursive so I find myself printing more often than using cursive or a mix or both.

I feel dizzy and off balance all of the time. Sometimes I feel really uncoordinated as well. I don't fall or anything like that, but I definitely feel unsteady at times.

My vision is always blurry and at times cloudy. I seem to have issues with focusing as well.

I have been experiencing very limited sleep over the last 6 months. I average about 3 hours a night if that. I also have mild sleep apnea and do use a cpap machine when I can sleep.

Constant anxiety and always on edge. I cannot relax and my mind is always going over and over all of the cognitive impairments I am having. I am constantly thinking that all of this is going to turn me into some vegetative idiot.

I have other symptoms as well, but can't really think of them all right now.

I have been to numerous doctors from my primary care physician, neurologists, cardiologists, rheumatologists, psychiatrists, and psychologists and they all determined after several tests including bloodwork and different mri's and ct-scans that there is nothing organic causing these symptoms.

My issue is accepting that these are in fact symptoms of anxiety and depression...can anyone help me understand this? Is this possible to have such a wide assortment of symptoms that are so severe and have really disabled me from having a normal life due to these disorders? Has anyone else experienced these symptoms? Did anything help relieve or improve these issues?

Any advice, comments, and suggestions are welcome!!

Sorry if this post is incoherent..I have such a hard time thinking clearly.