I was going so well with not self-harming (often going months or longer without hurting myself. But right now I just need it, I need to be hurt and punished. I just need to be hurt. I only saw my therapist on Wednesday but have had daily contact with her since. She has been texting me daily asking how I am and if I am OK.. this scares me, I know she is worried but she shouldn't be because I am 'fine'.. right??

The cuts haven't been that bad, well I don't think so anyway but they have been bleeding too much but that means nothing as I know one of my meds makes it harder for blood to clot.

I just can't stop myself from hurting me right now but I don't know why I just need to be hurt and punished I just need to be. It scares me. I just can't stop anymore. I just need to be dead. I can't fight this anymore.