Hi, i wish you find strength to quit! I've been there, except about double doses, but i assume you are girl, right? 2 years ago i drank like a rockstar thinking it's ok and under my control. While 4 week summer holiday i could drink around 20 cans of beer every day during some construction working i did to keep myself busy. Best feeling was to wake up in an easy hangover, pass breakfast, go out, take timbers stuff and beer and continue where i left yesterday. I loved the feeling alcohol filling my body in the morning...

I had drinking problems earlier, but not in this scale. Finally i was falling over the egde but my wife saved me. She was patient enough to drag me to see therapist, who after some meetings forwarded me to psychiatrist. Finally i was diagnosed as BPII. It really knocked me, i realized it had been my condition for about 2 decades! Alcohol was my method to self medicate. It keeps you going up or down all the time, so you don't have to face your own emotional rollercoaster.

I got medication and last year is quite fuzzy. anyway alcohol consumption was reduced 90%. I gained weight, was always tired and hated my life. Now i have been on new medication for 5 months and first time EVER I DON'T NEED ALCOHOL

Now THE PROBLEM kicks in.

I'm an alcoholic. My mind does't need it anymore but my body miss those dizzy mornings with fresh alco flooding in to your veins

That's why i collapse sometimes. I Don't get drunk. I get immediate hangover then i desperately seek cure for it. My brains crave that moment when hangover turns around. Couple of harmless beers turn into days of hangover curing. And i swear i'm not enjoying a single moment of that time.

QUIT NOW. I MEAN NOW. It's only advice i can give to you.