Thanks- that's really helpful.

I never really understood the impulse control thing for me though, my bulimic episodes never really happen because I have issues with impulse control, they happen because I stop caring about myself and give up on trying to eat properly and that ends up with being starving myself or binging and purging, as if the idea of doing the "right" thing just falls on deaf ears because I feel like nothing matters any more. It also feeds in to a bigger sense of wanting to hurt myself or divert my attention away from real life and creating a whole other problem to cause havoc (eg bulimia) I think (without having planned it working like this btw) just seems to have worked for so long...
I have friends who I know struggle with impulse control and can't stop themselves at the cost of all else, I think if I had and (most importantly) if I felt able to find something or somewhere else to go or something to do I'd be doing that rather than binging and purging, it's as if bulimia feels like the only thing I can do when everything else feels beyond me and impossible (and quite often in that frame of mind, is impossible).

I guess that's more for me to speak about with the psychiatrist I should be seeing in a few weeks.

The idea of dulling things worries me a bit- what if I stop caring about wanting to recover? What if I unwittingly land myself in a different type of depression where I can't really feel like anything matters because everything feels dulled down and doesn't matter any more- I guess more to talk through. I mention the dulling stuff because here is not the first space I'd seen it mentioned; people I have known who have taken Prozac had also mentioned this, one going back onto drugs because she stopped caring and stopped caring about her efforts to stop the drugs. She ended up in a real mess because she didn't know how to stop or even what to stop. Her issues were depression and anorexia and both became worse before she cut out the Prozac.

Hmmmm....