Thanks all i know i just always fear of the worst , and i hate this feeling i just wish it would stop but i always had this problem since i was 16 .. well if this making me happy something is going to happen , when i first met her when i was with her at her house i was happy and all but when i left her and was not with her i would get sick and not be able to eat , i was at work and had to get work to call 911 for me bc i passed out and was unconsious from not eating or drinkning for the 5 days i was with her . never knew it would make you feel sick when u are in love with someone which see im like a kid because i fell in love to quick .. kinda got love struck and i hated it .. just wish i wasnt that kind of a guy but i am , i dont go out because im parnanoid someone is going to jump me or kill me when im out in public especially a bar or club .. sucky feeling .. but im just to afraid to go anywhere . wish i could get over it but i tried over and over i just cant .. so when i met her i just felt comforable around here , she was great to me her kids were great i just felt like at home then everything came crashing down on me in a nick of a second .. So thats why well if im h appy it aint going to last long because something will happen just does and so far its the truth blah thanks for letting me vent here because i cant even get to see a therapist or anything till a month or so ..mental health system is a joke here they wait till you do something (suicide or kill someone) before they address it which is to late .. people dont understand how people like me and others feel until they deal with depression/anxiety , thats why i could never talk to my friends about this because they will well dont get depressed of it its just a girl or well u got laid should be happy about that .. well no this is why im pissed because i made love with someone who at the time i thought i liked/loved but then turned out like this so now im beating myself over it because i wanted it to be with someone who i loved .. sucks so bad .. just thinking her with another guy kills me .. GR just wish things were different but they arent ,.