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Hello fellow sufferers. I've gone through all of the eating disorders. Been hospitalised for bulimia, anorexia and binge/purge issues. I don't know whether it's my BPD that makes me think in black and white only, so it's all or nothing BUT, I can't ever substitute so called ''good'' sweet food stuffs. I find it's either headlong into real rubbish sweet stuff or I abstain totally, though this doesn't last for very long. After a life time of this, 30 plus years to be precise, I've given up trying to fool myself. I've found some ''wonder food'' which is only ever a substitute for a very short time. I'm pretty sure it's the Borderline disorder which does this, as it does the exact same with my moods ~~ from so depressed I do nothing, to something like mania where I don't even have time to eat, let alone anything else.
I absolutely HATE with a vengeance what these ED's have done to me, they have taken soooooooooo much away, plus the time I've spent inpatient in Psych hospitals. The thing is, I HATE ME, the physical me. Checking myself in the mirror in the morning makes my day either awful or about OK. I feel so very happy and confident when I've kept to my diet plan and not touched sweet stuff or general rubbish. I constantly watch/observe other people around me and wonder why I have got to go through this **** that I have. I don't know what it's like to eat without guilt, I can't eat infront of other people. Well, I guess that's it for now ................................ it's just ................. I wish, and all of that jazz!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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