((((((Carrie))))))

Wow, the way he treated you before is definitely not something you should put up with. You have told us sometimes that your husband can be very supportive of you, but it does sound like he's got some real issues of his own, and it isn't fair for him to keep portraying you as "the sick one" and go on thinking that he is taking care of you, and not facing his problems and owning up to his responsibility. Your pain does need to be addressed. And it's scary to think of confronting him with any of it, because you aren't sure what you want the outcome to be, and you don't want to cause irreparable damage to your marriage. I'm glad that you are going to talk to him with your T there, because she will keep you safe, and not let you do something that you may regret later.

I relate to wondering what you would be like if you were not married to your husband now. My husband is pretty good, and he loves me and is supportive, but I married him when I was not in a good state of mind. He rescued me from a bad situation, when I couldn't see any options. I don't know if I would have made it through the rest of that year without some major change. But I was not ready to get married. What I needed was to learn about myself, get some confidence, and be able to take care of myself, not just run to someone who would take care of me and rescue me. He asked me recently if I was glad that I married him, and I couldn't answer. I don't know, because I don't know who I might be if I had been able to have a little bit of independence. I guess all we can do is go from where we are, and figure out what we want to do now, and how we can do that, what options are available to us, etc. It's scary, and also exciting, to be standing on the threshold of change, not knowing what will happen, or what we will choose.

And, of course you know that you are not responsible for the wrongs that he did to you. But it's hard not to take on all the blame yourself, because that's what you have always done. There's a good place to start making changes, isn't it?

Love,
Wendy