I'm not much of a drinker. But when I had my last mixed episode I went out one day and bought three bottles. I wanted to drink but didn't know what to get and those bottles were pretty. I wasn't on any meds, I didn't have a Pdoc hadn't seen the PCP for over a year. I think there was something driving me to self medicate. A week or so after that I sought out help.

When I'm depressed everything is too much of an effort.

When I'm manic I'll do whatever people around me are doing if I'm will people. If they drink so will I, if they do drugs, so will I. If I'm hold up writing feverishly, or doing art work, or reading on one subject to solve the worlds problems I'm too single minded and focused on what ever it is that I convinced is the greatest work ever to bother drinking. Of course what ever I'm doing holds my attention for only so long before I get another brilliant idea.