thx PH, I now have a much better Idea of what is going on. Sounds very much like my own mother. I too have thought she might be a narcissist. That she was bipolar I am sure too. I won't go into the rant other than to point out that I was prone to bullying and she was the chief amongst them. She also seemed to influence family to bully and treat me terribly too - it was like a roving pack of high school kids eagre to keep the popular one happy with them.

I am guessing that your mom is very charismatic too. That she appears to other people to be the most wonderful thing since sliced bread. It makes it harder then to find support.

Are you able to cut yourself off from that part of your lfe? You simply aren't going to be able to change it I'm sorry. I moved far away.

Is there a family member that hasn't been reined in by her? I had an aunt that would even speak up in my defense. I never went to any family function unless she would be present.

I'm sorry I have no solutions that come to mind. Your story is painful to me.