I'm not sure why I'm even gunna write this post, but here goes. I've been struggling with depression for several years now. I also have anxiety and get panic attacks. I come from a kind of a messed up family, though I'm not sure anyone really cares about it. Anyways, I've been questioning lately why I even try anymore. After everything life's thrown at me, why am I still here?

I've been through abuse, from family and relationships, addiction, friends committing suicide, etc. I know bad things like these are just a part of life, but it's too much sometimes.

Currently I'm sitting home alone for a four day weekend. My mom went to Mexico a week ago with her boyfriend and my dad went to Hawaii with some girl. My brother is off with a friend all weekend and my other two younger siblings are staying with my moms friend. I called in "sick" to work today because I couldn't even get out of bed. I don't want to do anything anymore. I just started my 8th year of soccer and I already wanna quit. School is miserable, even though it's my senior year and I have easy classes. I don't really talk to any of my friends anymore. And my boyfriend, well, we've been together almost 11 months and he's been so good to me, I hate that I have to drag him into all this. I wish I could just be happy and forget everything. But I can't.