I used to be very exhausted from the masks too.


Then I realized the masks were weighing me down instead of helping me out.


They were for the benefit of others, and never really did anything for me, beyond allowing me to be mostly functional at work.


So I made a vow to stop wearing that stupid shyt.


Trying to contain myself 9/10 times to shield others instead of just allowing myself to be, was stifling. I don't do well with feeling trapped and stifled, its actually one of my very few triggers.


Funny thing is, I can go to work, tell my manager I'm feeling like shyt and can't deal with clients, I can come home and my daughter and mother will read my face, my bf will hear the heartache in my voice. These lovely people will ask if I need some alone time and I will unabashedly say "yes please", because I don't mind that any and all of them know, afterall I chose to stop wearing the masks, but mostly I still behave as if I still am wearing them.


I can openly and readily admit to not doing well, but I don't know how to not attempt to hide it.

Even when all I want to do is vent or curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out, I will sit and make idle chit chat or make you laugh...

Guess that after all this time, its hard wired.