Hi guys.

This is something I have been thinking about. OK, I do tend to over-think things a lot probably to my own cost, but I've been thinking about what would happen if I had children one day.

I am autistic, and I've heard that the condition may or may not be inherited from me in children I may have one day.

It makes me think whether I should have children or not have children. Some days I feel like they will be just fine and I must just have faith, and that all humans are unique, and other days I feel so depressed and I feel like I will be doing such a horrible thing to burden my children with such a condition, because I remember how I suffered, especially around other children, when I was a child. Also, not to mention their mother knowing her children are not normal because of me, her husband and their father. So, bottom line, some days I want to get married and have kids and other days I feel I should give up on it completely.

Then, also, I doubt my own abilities of being a real "dad" one day. I don't feel I have the people skills and the ability to raise them properly, so they can integrate into society properly and become well-developed human beings.

That brings me to another thing I think about. Does it even matter if my children are born autistic or neurotypical? With me, their father, being autistic, I'm pretty sure my traits would rub off on them anyway, no matter if they are autistic themselves or not. And, I'm so scared I cannot prepare them properly for things like school life, romantic relationships, friendships, sporting activities, because I'm useless at all of those things.

It makes me question whether I should find a wife one day, if I'm not having children, what's the point? But, how can I just throw away something so meaningful in life? It's what gives a man's life meaning at the end of the day, isn't it?

I don't know what to think anymore.