Awww. I discovered that my abusers made me feel like crap, that then made my abuser alters do the same. It's also a coping skill to deal with the inner pain...and your right, I'd hit myself also, punch brick walls, burn myself. I also have to include getting myself into risky situations expecting to get hurt...like playing chicken on the road or running traffic barrels over expecting a demise. Even my possessions suffered. Basically, self destructive behavior. Thank you for broadening my horizon also.