Thanks for all the responses guys. Sorry to the others that are going through it as well or have gone through but it feels good to know I'm not alone. The toughest part with medicine for me is knowning that you are dependent on something besides yourself. Still taking baby steps to accepting that my bipolar is even apart of me and am slowly learning to embrace it a bit instead of hiding it. This forum and talking to all of you feels like a big and good step for me. Also good news is I've got an appointment set up again to start back up on meds again...hopefully better ones this time. Also, I'm not in therapy right now but actively searching. My last T I felt was horrible and didn't seem like he knew anything about my situation or bipolar in general. Maybe it was partially me because I have a hard time explaining my feelings to others when I dont completely understand them all the time myslef but hopefully finding one more geared towards bipolar and understanding I can't just "snap out of it" will help a lot. Thanks again everyone!