When I was a teenager and did not know I was bipolar yet, I was self destructive/medicating and drank a lot and did various drugs. This went on for a couple years. I slipped into that mindset again a few years ago. I binge drank and did dxm for an entire summer. A lightbulb went off in my head so I stopped again. I haven't had a drink in 18 months now. Just don't feel the need. Sometimes I think about it. I liked the social aspect of drinking, but the really messed up aspect of drugs. I would use by myself the majority of the time so I could enjoy the dissociative feeling. Since my mom is an alcoholic, I feel conflicted and guilty about this. Ashamed I suppose.