Hi all - This is my first post, and I just joined Psych Central.

It is very encouraging to finally be able to identify some/partially the problems I have with my spouse. I have been counseled to "not let him walk on you" "be tough" "stand up for yourself" and "he's never going to change" by friends and families over our 5 year marriage. I view our marriage as a necessary commitment to stand by and not allow even a serious mental/behavioral problem to break us apart (I understand full well when/why others do or have though - my choice here, no judgment!). At the same time, it can be exceptionally difficult to work with him and maintain relationships even with my own friends or family when they are not capable of understanding him. I'm approaching this forum on that footing and I'm not likely to change my opinion there.

With that said - I COULD REALLY USE SOME HELP HERE, FRIENDS!!!

I believe I have "self diagnosed" him as a having some version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm sure if I am correct, then those of you who have lived or worked with narcissists will recognize the symptoms I've seen in him that allowed me to identify it: severe lack of respect for anyone not "logical" or "experienced" enough to compare to his intellect, badgering me to the point of breakdown if I didn't comply with his wishes (especially in regard to surrendering $ I saved), a seemingly compulsive spender, constant refusal to accept responsibility for major problems in his life (previous divorce, loss of company, etc), belief he should rule the country/world, hatred/"death list" against people who he views as causing previously listed problems, etc, ad infinitum.

These seem pretty consistent with lists and comments/stories I have read from people dealing with NPD or an NPD spouse. It seems harder and harder to get through everyday life without counseling for myself as I have suffered significant losses of self esteem and mental stability due to his communication routines. However, it seems more and more ridiculous to go to counseling in order to just deal with someone else's personality! The few main reasons I have chosen to come here and explain all of this are as follows: One, I need to be able to talk, even anonymously to someone else who understands. Due to his sense of what respect is owed to him, he will usually panic/shame me into not talking to anyone who knows him since he feels this makes a friendly relationship impossible with them in the future. Two, I'm want to know if this is all on par with what others have experienced and that I'm not overinflating the issue (or in other words, that what he is saying isn't true - am I lacking in respect, is this just a normal guy thing to do?) Finally, it feels really good to tell my story a little bit if it means that today I can face him and our relationship knowing that I'm seeking help for us both instead of expressing my frustration, isolation and pain all onto him directly.

If there's nothing to be said then at the very least, a most heartfelt THANK YOU for listening.

I hope you have a great day.

J