I did it....talked to pdoc about the mental pictures thoughts of self harm etc....I told him about the suicidal plan as well.
He told me that as far as self harm goes its anger turned inward,but perscribed ativan for the times I do want to sh.He told me I might not ever get rid of those pictures but it should get better,it will tale time to stabilize meds.
I dont think he was too concerned about the suicide risk....I know I have it in me to sh but suicide really comes forth in the midst of deep depression.

All in all I think I did the right thing and I thank you Darkeyes for seeing the issue for what it was.It really helps to hear it from someone else, you know?

Dorsey,Im sorry you lost your son like that....thanks for your kind and supportive words.