T, today I've been fantasizing about sitting on a chair in the middle of my living room, loading my .38 with hollowpoints, putting it to my right temple and pulling the trigger. It seems so utterly practical. It would almost certainly do the job if my hand was steady and what would I care about what the apartment managers would have to do afterward to clean the place up? Damage deposit? Who cares? I'd say I don't know why I think about things like this but I do know; I so desperately want the pain to stop. It never ends. Ever. Happy Labor Day.