Family counselling sounds great, and I encourage you to try. It may end up though you seeking counselling just for your own needs. It hopefully will give you coping strategies and maybe even some methods to try and rectify the situation.

I ended up going to a 'Adults from Dysfunctional Famlies' support group. It didn't solve the problem, but gave me some comfort in knowing I wasn't alone. It reinforced to me that I was not the cause. It was bad enough to deal with the negative crap behind the scenes but I actually found it even harder to watch the 'performances' in public. I stayed away from public outings with my mom as much as possible. I had an aunt too who was untouched by the charisma and didn't allow herself to be drawn in. She was daring enough to question mom's actions and would publically rebuff her behaviour. On those instances I did have to encounter mom in public I would cling to this aunt. Once even, when my mother was humiliating me on purpose, the aunt spoke in my defense. Anyway, I hope there is such person in your own life you can cling to.

I eventually had to completely disassociate myself from mom and the family members that abetted her. It was hard - my kids grew up without grandma. But I was happier for it.

Are you in a position to do so? Is there that one family member that can provide you support and refuge? Are you in a position to find a support group or counselling?

Interestingly, when my problem was gone, the people around her changed with respect to their treatment of me over night. Clearly they felt bullied and fear of her in their own right.