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Originally Posted by StbGuy
Hi CrewCut, thanks for your story. I think maybe she was actually further on the autism spectrum than Asperger's, her son even more so. Asperger's is "almost normal" or like many people would say "nerdy". Although it is also a form of autism, it is the least "pervasive" as psychology would say. I think your lady friend and her son may be more autistic. But, that's just my opinion though.
Also, what may seem hidden are other co-morbid conditions like depression for example. Having no friends for example can actually have a depressive effect. Even though it's part of our nature to not have many friends, it doesn't mean we are happy with it like that. I had depression in the past because I couldn't form relationships of any real significance.
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Hi StbGuy,
I hate to use the term "normal", as not to offend anyone with Autism or Asperger's but at times, she came across as completely normal. Her lifestyle is unique, no friends, very isolated, only spends time with her son, etc. But that in of itself is really nothing out of the realm of "normal". It was the shutdowns and meltdowns that caught me off guard though. And that is what I found to be not normal (in my eyes at least).
Also, she could have short depressive episodes that may only last a day but she would look extremely depressed and exhausted. The depressive episodes seem to go hand-and-hand with a s shutdown.
She would do good in social situations but I could see that she was very uncomfortable with them and she would look exhausted after. I think she found social interaction to be stressful.
Her son was non-verbal except with her. He would talk to nobody except he may answer a question with a "Yes" or "No".
One of the things that really bothered me early on (before I suspected they may be on the spectrum) is that I talked to her about her shutdowns. I asked her after (a shutdown) what happened and she just brushed it off that it was nothing. I told her I was very concerned because she just stared off into space and would not say a word. She still thought it wasn't a big deal. She really seemed to be in denial.
What would have helped me immensely if she would have been forthcoming about it. I am not sure if that would have saved the relationship but at least things would have made more sense for me. I spent months trying to figure out why they (her and her son) were acting this way. I knew very little about Autism or Aspergers at the time. But, if she is truly in denial, she would not be able to be forthcoming anyway. Very sad situation.
I can tell you despite all of the challenges with this relationship, and ultimately the breakup, she is such a sweet person. I kept telling myself to see past her behavior and concentrate on the wonderful person. But I just could not do it...